Does happiness, really exist? Explained simply || MenSeek ||
Why everything you know about happiness is wrong! A lot of people if asked, what do they want from life, would answer, happiness.
We say that because we have an idea from having experienced joy, laughter, liveliness, and satisfaction at times.
And naturally our mind goes to the nicest thing for our future: feeling happy and great.
The idea of feeling great at all times is purely fictional for a simple reason: we get bored of the same things, same feelings, same environments pretty quickly.
If everything was always nice and great, you'd become depressed.
Over the time, we have confused ourselves or been mislead by language in pointing out exactly what we are talking about when we say hapiness.
You see, the definition of happiness alters with context. For example, one who is working very hard toward a goal, is after reward based happiness, or pride.
That cannot be achieved from watching a movie with a happy ending or good music.
Similarly, happiness of being loved comes from the need of seeking acceptance and emotional security, which is our way of dealing with the fear of loneliness -- and that has nothing to do with reward based happiness.
Then there are several other types, for example, happiness people derive from gossiping; sadistic forms of happiness that people get from putting others down, insulting and shaming people, manipulating and treating people like puppets, bullying, needlessly sabotaging relationships of others.
And then there is sexual based happiness in various uncommon fetishes, fantasies and so forth.
What I mean is happiness as a feeling is a very broad term encapsulating various kinds of pleasures of different nature.
This is the reason why despite having achieved a lot, having a family, children, certain people still cannot be happy!
And this greatly confuses others because they are looking at the ideal mental image of what happiness should be like.
Bottomline is, humans are filled with wants and desires flowing in all directions. What humans never do is, for once, actually study them and then rank them accordingly. And because these wants are never studied, the intensity or the power these wants may have over you is never discovered.
For example, you may say you want reward based happiness, but for most of the day you are running after girls;
In actions, you are following a different want which in dialogue you don't even mention.
This is a very basic example but relevant because even wanting to achieve something does not only require working hard, but also readjusting all your wants. For that to happen, you have to be first fully familiar with what your wants are, and the different strengths they may hold.
A great reason why people don't bother with their wants is because we live with the assumption that we are complete and require no change.
Humans are very arrogant, which is why we are very quick at blaming others, instead of finding any fault with ourselves.
For example, a lot of people blame the internet for the current generation having so much sex and cheating on their partners and having no respect for monogamy. Internet hasn't caused this, what internet has done is facilitate what humans have always wanted to do. On the contrary, internet has freed and exposed us.
How have humans attempted to take care of this problem?
1) religion. Religion tries to solve this by creating a model of living, and claiming that if you follow this model, then not only would you be happy, but also make God happy. The problem with any model is, it cannot work because humans aren't cows, there are multiple personalities with different wants with varying power structures that are controlling them, what that means is, there might be a set of people for whom that model might work. But there is going to be a whole lot of people who'd be miserable in it.
That's why religion has to rely on the fear of god to enforce it, but it fails, because in their very private moments, people break out of that model and laws all the time.
2) Answers in philosophical texts, and different system of thoughts, which is a good thing because one answer cannot satisfy a population.
With many people, the same problem develops multiple inner layers and clauses that require different levels of attention and treatment accordingly.
The answer really is in any form of therapy, which instead of telling you, begins with asking you: what are your wants? After knowing your wants, it dissects which wants of yours are actually harming you, and which are good for you.
You have to understand, despite growing up, humans are babies when it comes to handling and controlling your own behavior.
What you must do is, start studying your behavior, choices, and daily actions to get to know yourself.
For example, a lot of people remain confused and down regarding the behavior of others toward them.
And they keep asking the wrong question: why do people behave like this? instead of that, what you must ask is: what is this want in me that specifically cares so much about others? Once you recognize and accept what that want is, you have two options: either you can use it to become stronger by feeding off their negativity, or work toward detachment.
You have to understand, in behavioral therapy, any solution begins with acknowledging the problem.
So how to be happy?
1) self awareness, get to know who you are
2) readjustment of your wants,
3) employing and mastering self control, so you can manage your behavioral wants to avoid disappointments with yourself.
And finally, have something to live for. Your very existence is always in search of value,
In later life, that's why people start doing charitable work, take up hobbies, focus on their families.
Life finds the greatest of meanings in fulfillment of desires that give you value, which in turn creates satisfaction.
This is the reason why desires like gaming, partying, having fun will give you momentary joy, but won't yield any satisfaction, because your very self finds happiness in doing things that give you value. And that is very simply, how you stay happy!
